Parenting is not a bowl of cherries

The ugly side of parenting can be really tough.  Personally, I cannot stand having to discipline our kids, but it is just part of the package.  I tend to be all bite and no bark; and my partner in crime here tends to mouth about everything but the kids have learned that if they just listen to her for a while it will blow over. 

And our “parenting issues” can be a bit extended at times.  Parenting kids with special needs definitely has its own challenges; as does parenting kids who come a different lineage than your own.  We have a variety of diagnoses in our little family; Aspergers, ADHD, sensory integration issues, in-utero drug exposure, PTSD, learning disabilities, and the hardest one of all…..Reactive Attachment Disorder. 

Reactive Attachment Disorder is something that you have to be prepared for when you adopt children who were in foster care or who were not placed with you as an infant.  For example, it is very prevalent in children who were adopted from Russia; where many of the babies/toddlers laid in cribs in orphanages before they were placed.  For those of you who aren’t familiar for this disorder, it can be a bit hard to understand.  As a social worker, I thought that I understood it…but parenting children who have this is a whole different story.  You truly have to train yourself; and parent in a way that does not feel natural at all.  How can it feel natural to parent a child who, when you praise him/her; will then do anything in this world to sabotage your happiness with their accomplishment.  They push and push and push to see if you will stick by them; or if you will simply leave them like every other adult in their life has?  And the reality of it is…it can be so very exhausting.  And the sad part of it is….these kids did not get what they needed those first 6 months…or 3 years….(lots of opinions on this timeframe), so they do not trust that anyone will meet their needs.  No one bonded with them when they were infants; so they are unable to bond with others…and this is not something that can be “taught.”  You cannot teach someone to have a conscience…….So, you have to learn to parent and meet them in the middle; make sure that they are safe, try to teach them to be productive citizens, and try to give them the tools that they need to be happy.  And this can look very different than the images that you see in Parenting Magazine.