About 2 months ago we got a call from the past….a dear little boy that we cared for the first 17 months of his life was in danger of not having a place to go…Tammy and I both talked to his step-mother (who is also his guardian; because his bio father insisted on “getting him back” and then left him) who asked us to “take him.” Well…being a social worker I knew that it was not that easy. There was the legal part of this process that had to be dealt with; along with the psychological part as well. We asked that a few professionals be consulted in regard to all of this and that she call us back. And they have both disappeared. All phone numbers have been disconnected, emails and facebook messages have not been answered, and we have no idea what happened. They live out of state and we have no way of knowing. Our biggest fear is that he is in foster care system and that he will be “lost.”
A part of my heart died when this little boy left our home and he was placed with his dad and step-mother. I picked him up from the hospital when he was 48 hours old and we never spent a night without him until the court system decided that he should send him to his bio family. December 3rd will always be a tragic day in our family’s life. Not a day has gone by that we don’t think of that little boy and I don’t think that Robert has ever been the same. I remember him telling Tammy and me that year that the holidays would be too hard and we just shouldn’t celebrate Christmas.
I will never forget the day that the transition calendar started. He and our 2 youngest daughters were all in preschool together and they were taking photographs that day and the teachers made the photographers wait until we returned from his first visit with his family because they knew that we would want these last photos of them all together. I will never forget them sitting Sophie and Kennedy down and plopping him on their laps between them. Tears started to pour in this little school.
Those of you who make these types of decisions in the lives of children….please do not take it lightly. And please remember that sending children to their bio families simply because “they are blood” is not always the best thing. We were the only family that he knew. His step-mother told me a year ago that she had taken him for a psychiatric evaluation because of behavioral issues and she was told that he was forever damaged because his attachment had been broken. We are so worried about both of them and wish that we had some answers. We have maintained a relationship with her and we just don’t understand what happened.