Going from being a foster kid,to an adoptive kid, to a "regular kid" (written by Tammy)

Making the decision to Adopt is not an easy process. But we found that once we made the decision our lives became whirlwinds of ups and downs. After all; a kid is a kid, right. How very wrong we were.   Even as professionals in the field we new that it would not be easy to bring children from multiple backgrounds into our home and run a cohesive family.  Well I am here to tell you that we have taken 2 moms from very different backgrounds and many children, and turned our house into a home. I think back to the number of times as a young social worker I would be required to take children from bad situations and place them with others willing to protect them; while their family worked on their identified needs.
So when Angie and I tried to create our own family we hit all of the stumbling blocks that other foster/adoptive homes experience.  Such as when a child comes into your home from foster care there a multitude of professionals telling you what "your " child should be doing, tie this in with the wishes of the biological family who often blame you for the situation their family is currently in, well you can see where I am going with this and the amount of stress that piles up with all the parties involved.  Everyone has differing opinions on the solution to provide this child the goal of returning home or forever families if they are unable to return to their birth parents.
So you've decided to make this child a part of your family forever.  My advise is remember that this child had a forever family before and they bring with them their believe system, genetics, ways they did things and how they react to different events so incorporate the more appropriate positives.So as I write this information which has been all said before.  TIME TIME TIME is important and I will never say to my kids "grow up."
Foster/Adoptive children often have so much lag time in age development, it is a struggle as a parent to remember this, BUT TRY I OFTEN HAVE TO GIVE MYSELF REMINDER SOME DAYS.They do catch up and one day all of those silly little task are being accomplished and they are no longer labeled. They are our children they have picked up some of our bad habits and good.
I say all this as my four little ones are currently in the kitchen making a mess pretending like they are making coffee.  While they were doing this it came to me that this family has been through some real ups and downs we had kids leave that didn't get to go home and lingering regrets hang over our heads because we did not have them stay with us.  We have had children in our home that were so damaged by the trauma they endured that they were unable to stay. I could make this list go on for ours.  But as I listen to my 4 little ones playing and our oldest clicking away on his x-box I realize that through all of the ups and downs; we have a family.The kids are so attached to each other and all though the back grounds have similarities each child was affected differently it has been a struggle.  The point to this big long rambling is each one of children came in and in the beginning of fostering we always had services and place and would talk about how well the children were doing.  But as I look back today at my kids I was naive when I used the words "They are doing great." It has been a long hall looking back my children have struggled to academically catch up with their peers as they often missed school for visits, or other appointments.  When trips were planned they had to wait anxiously for permission from everyone to go (from the social worker), they often struggled with the simplest things as sitting down at the dinner table to eat with others.

Now they play together, and when I see them with other children playing I realize the struggle was well worth it.  I love to walk in and be greeted by kids that missed me because I was gone for a little while. My children have beat the odds they are "Normal Regular Kids what ever that is".  This family we have created is truly a blessing, and we are ready for the everyday trouble kids get into.  THEY JUST NEEDED TIME TO HEAL.